Networking with Heart

I was talking to a friend, Greg Peters over a zoom call yesterday about planning the next networking event and his book Hello and a Handshake: The Reluctant Networker's Guide to Survival and Success at Your Next Business Gathering, came up. After we closed the call I continued to think about the book title and the word that caught my eye was 'handshake.'

In every meeting, networking, or a gathering of any kind people get together there is greetings involved and there is of course the handshake. You would think that this is something that completely normal and shouldn't be the source for overthinking or even worry. But I'm here to tell you, that while in some cultures it is considered to be polite and respectful to shake hands with someone, other cultures have their own way of showing respect and kindness.

In my religion, women don't shake hands with men outside of the circle of their family members or relatives. As a Muslim woman who came to the United States as a refugee from Iraq in 1994, I struggled with the concept of shaking hands and it caused me great stress in the past. Imagine just coming to the U.S., as a 13 year old trying to learn the language so you can communicate with others, along with learning the culture and be able to communicate your own culture and language so others can understand you!

Going through the stages of high school, community college, getting the citizenship, university, work, meeting people and every other phase of life, I had to plan ahead for among other things: the dreaded handshake! Some of planning involved:

1. Avoid if possible

2. Try to wear gloves if possible

3. Explain without showing disrespect while putting your hand on your heart and smiling

I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that it is really stressful and I felt my awkwardness and other people's awkwardness and honestly it is not something I want to deal with.

Now that I'm a grown adult with more confidence, I don't have to plan ahead because as a world full of diverse cultures and people, I believe that while I put so much thought and effort into meeting people and being respectful to them, they should, and they actually do the same. I just didn't realize that others want to respect my individuality as well until I stopped worrying!! Of course there are some people out there who, well, like to do things a certain way and may not have an appreciation for diversity. Let's just put it that way:)

When I meet people nowadays, I put my hand on my heart, smile and say something like: It's a pleasure to meet you! No explanation unless I'm asked for one.