Leadership Lessons from Pain

As a child whenever I had a toothache I try to trick my brain into thinking there is no pain and for a few wonderful seconds I don’t feel the pain. Now I don’t think it is actually a good idea to convince yourself that you dont have pain even if you do have high tolerance for it. Pain is a signal for something that needs to be addressed…

…Think of a check-engine sign in a car, if you don’t address it, you may end up damaging the vehicle. Pain in your body is a signal that something is not right and needs to be addressed.

This little memory got me thinking: how often do we, as leaders, try to “trick our brains” into ignoring the pain in our teams or organizations? Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work any better than ignoring a toothache or a “check engine” signal.

Pain: A Signal, Not a Problem

Pain isn’t the problem — it’s the messenger. Whether it’s a toothache, a squeaky engine, or a drop in team morale, pain is trying to tell you something. In leadership, these “pains” show up in all sorts of ways:

• Missed deadlines hint at overburdened teams or inefficient processes.

• Low engagement signals dissatisfaction or a lack of connection.

• Frequent conflict might point to unclear expectations or mismatched personalities.

• Increase of gossip shows unclear communication or lack of a safe, structured outlets to voice concerns.

Like the check-engine light in your car, these signs aren’t things to ignore. You can power through, sure, but eventually, the “engine” of your team or organization will stall, or worse, break down completely.

Why Leaders Ignore the Pain

Why do we often brush off these signs? Because we’re human. Leaders, especially, are guilty of convincing themselves that “it’s fine” or “it’ll pass.” We wear our resilience like a badge of honor, telling ourselves that powering through discomfort is a mark of strength. But let’s be honest — the underlying reason for such behaviors is deeper than we may think and it cold be due to fears or limitations. Here are some:

• Fear of confrontation — we don’t know what it will lead to or reveal.

• Lack of right tools — to address the issue effectively

• Not equipped — to understand and read through situations

Here is the hard truth: Ignoring pain doesn’t make it go away. By the time it demands our attention, it has already grown bigger, gotten messier, and probably a lot less manageable then it was.

Here is another truth: Endurance isn’t the same as effectiveness. Just because you can tolerate the pain, doesn’t mean you actually have to.

One last truth: Ignoring the problem doesn’t make it go away.

The Cost of Inaction

Here’s a quick reality check: what happens when you ignore a toothache? The problem escalates. That tiny cavity can turn into a root canal — or worse. Similarly, brushing aside leadership pain points can lead to:

• Burnout: Unresolved issues pile up until you or your team hit a breaking point.

• Attrition: Talented people will leave if their concerns go unheard or unaddressed.

• Reputation Damage: Ignored problems can spiral into public failures, impacting your credibility as a leader.

Addressing pain isn’t just about fixing what’s broken; it’s about preventing bigger issues down the road.

Can you hear the pain in my voice?

I was slapped in the face — figuratively.

I speak from experience. From someone who messed up and lived through the messy consequences once before —

— I was afraid of confrontation, which led to the work environment suffering. I needed to take action but didn’t, and instead of addressing the issue happening head on with one of my staff, I let it go, and waited for time to heal all (which is a myth in this case) and it didn’t.

It didn’t.

The situation got way out of hand. The staff member became even more negative because I didn’t address it, it became the norm. Other staff members felt the negativity, lived through the gossip and the tension, endured the pain of having to sit with and listen to another complain.

And it is all because I didn’t step in to resolve the issue.

Months went by. Morale dropped, the environment soured, and staff began avoiding each other. Productivity and team spirit crumbled under the weight of an issue I could have addressed early on. By the time I acted, the situation had spiraled into something far messier than it ever needed to be.

The Opportunity in Pain

But here’s the good news: pain isn’t just a signal; it’s also an opportunity. It points you toward areas of growth, innovation, and betterment. Leaders who lean into discomfort often come out stronger, both personally and professionally. Here’s how you can turn pain into progress:

1. Listen to the Signal: Don’t dismiss the complaints, frustrations, or warning signs. Instead, get curious. Ask yourself, “What’s this really about?”

2. Diagnose the Root Cause: Surface-level fixes rarely solve the underlying issue. Dive deeper to understand what’s causing the pain.

3. Take Action: Pain requires intervention. Whether it’s improving communication, clarifying goals, or realigning team dynamics, act decisively.

Tricking vs. Training the Brain

Let’s return to the idea of “tricking the brain.” While you can’t ignore pain forever, you can train your brain — and your leadership style — to approach challenges differently. Here are a few ways to reframe and address discomfort:

• See Problems as Opportunities: Shift your mindset from “Why is this happening?” to “What can I learn from this?” Growth often begins where comfort ends.

• Encourage Feedback: Teams are more likely to share pain points if they feel safe doing so. Foster psychological safety by welcoming honest conversations.

• Use DISC Insights: Understanding personality styles can help you navigate pain points effectively. For example, a high “D” leader might push through issues without recognizing the emotional toll on a more “S”-oriented team member.

Final Thoughts: The Leadership Mechanic

As a leader, your job isn’t to ignore the pain or trick yourself into thinking everything’s fine. It’s to be the mechanic who responds to the “check-engine light,” investigates the issue, and takes the necessary steps to fix it. That doesn’t mean you’ll always have all the answers or that solutions will come easily. But by addressing the pain instead of ignoring it, you’ll build stronger, healthier teams — and become a more effective leader in the process.

If you’re wondering, I’m working on myself, too.

I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) that leadership isn’t about being perfect — it’s about being present, listening to the signals, and taking action when it matters most.

So the next time you feel tempted to brush aside a small ache in your team, remember that kid with the toothache. Pain is a signal. Listen to it. Act on it. And grow because of it.

Did this resonate with you? Share your thoughts or your own leadership lessons in the comments — I’d love to hear them!

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